


what we are (don't look clear)

by thetomorrowafterthat



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Asexuality, Canon, Demisexuality, Fluff, M/M, canonverse, im not sure how to tag things, lots of fluff, verkwan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-18
Updated: 2017-03-18
Packaged: 2018-10-07 11:08:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10359087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thetomorrowafterthat/pseuds/thetomorrowafterthat
Summary: Hansol and Seungkwan discover themselves, together. Both a little lost, but coming back for more.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is the first fanfic I have ever really written. I am not a really good writer, I have just been daydreaming about this and needed to write it down for my own self-indulgence. The title comes from the song Who We Are by Imagine Dragons. Please enjoy and leave feedback!!

It was always like this with the two of them. They would somehow always migrate towards one another in between their schedules. Of course, Seungkwan didn’t mind at all. He enjoyed the comfort of Hansol’s presence. It gave him this sort of grounding to reality, made him remember that he is just a human and he was alive and breathing on this earth. 

 

They were sat together on one of the couches in the living room, Seungkwan’s head lightly pressed against Hansol’s arm. Their hands brushing one another’s as they sat lazily watching a random show that one of the other boys had left playing on the tv. It had already been a long day of separate unit practices with no where near enough breaks and they still had group practice that night. It was times like these when Seungkwan’s mind began to wander about all the little things that he usually never got the opportunity to think about. From what his favorite things were, to what he would be buying Seungcheol for his birthday, and even how nice Hansol smelled even after a long practice.

 

Of course, he tries his best not to let his thoughts run across Hansol too often because when they do it’s more of a marathon than just a quick sprint through his mind. He ends up thinking about how comforting and natural it is to just be with him, whether they’re just silently sitting in the same room or are pressed up against each other while watching a movie, neither saying anything about how by the end of it they’re always somehow holding hands. Seungkwan didn’t think he was allowed to think or say anything about it. He wasn’t particularly sure what he would say even if he wanted to. 

 

\-------------

 

“Hansol you need to look more like you’re flirting instead of like your mom is forcing you to make small talk with her friend’s kids,” Mingyu had barked out. “Just pretend you’re talking to Seungkwan.” These are the words that have been echoing in Hansol’s brain as he sits on the slightly uncomfortable couch between practices with Seungkwan pressed against him. He usually brushes off the other boy’s teasing comments about Seungkwan and distracts himself with practicing, but when they’re just sat here, there isn’t much else to think about.

 

Hansol and Seungkwan had always been best friends, extremely close ones at that. Their relentless skinship before they debuted was always one of the big jokes between the big group of boys, but it never really bothered either of them. That is, until after debut when Hansol realized his feelings. He had always tried to ignore them, the way his stomach did flips whenever Seungkwan walked into the room or how his heart raced just a little faster than normal when Seungkwan casually held his hand. It was all stupid and cliche really, having a crush on your best friend. So when they debuted he tried to push all those feelings away, especially on camera where he thought that just one touch and the whole world would know that Chwe Hansol was in love with Boo Seungkwan. 

 

\-----------------

Hansol had told his mom that he was gay right after they debuted and she had been completely accepting of him, as she always was. It was her that pushed him to be himself last year, to not be afraid to show his feelings. She had said to him one day, “Hansol, why don’t you tell Seungkwan you  _ like  _ him?” Once those words registered in his brain, his mouthful of cola had immediately sprayed from his lips and all over the table of the little cafe they had been eating lunch at. It took him a minute of wiping up the table and sending the kind lady behind the counter several apologetic smiles before he could respond.

 

“I- I don’t  _ like _ Seungkwan,” Hansol was a terrible liar, “what would make you think that?” He was honestly scared out of his mind. No one had actually so seriously and straightforwardly said anything about the relationship between him and Seungkwan. Even when his members did, it was in such a joking way that it only sent a tiny bit of pink to his cheeks, not enough to be serious.

 

“Honey, you act like you don’t tell me everything that goes on in your life. I see the way your eyes light up when you tell me about something funny Seungkwan had done that day or about how wonderful and talented he is or how you held hands and-”

 

“Ok! Stop! I get it! You don’t need to keep talking,” Hansol had the palms of his hands covering his eyes in embarrassment. He didn’t even want to look his own mother in the eye. The fact that he talks about Seungkwan in such a way without realizing is scary. Luckily, his mom changed the topic and didn’t bring up Seungkwan for the rest of their lunch. Of course that hadn’t stopped Hansol from thinking about the boy.

 

He had gotten home that day and immediately searched for posts about him and Seungkwan, wondering if he was so obvious that the fans had noticed as well. He was. He found hundreds of posts on just how Hansol had changed since predebut but even through that you could tell how absolutely smitten he was with his best friend. He even watched a compilation video that included an abundant amount of clips of him just looking at Seungkwan with absolute  _ love  _ in his eyes. When Seungcheol had walked into the room, Hansol swears he had never slammed his laptop closed so fast in his life. 

 

Of course Seungcheol knows. He has always known, even when Hansol didn’t. So when they made eye contact and Seungcheol saw the look of absolute fear in Hansol’s eyes, they talked about it. Hansol told him everything he was feeling and how he has been hiding so much of it, scared that he couldn’t be himself because he was an idol and didn’t want to let his stupid feelings be the reason something bad happens for all the other boys as well. But Seungcheol just reassured him that it was all ok. That he was allowed to love Seungkwan. That he was allowed to be himself. That all the other members wouldn’t want him to hide who he is and be miserable in this shell. “I mean you all know how much I love Jeonghan, even though he keeps denying he likes me. But here’s a secret for you kid,” Seungcheol had lowered his voice to a dramatic whisper, “Jeonghan totally kissed me last night after getting really excited when we won a game and he didn’t realize it until a good 30 seconds later and his face turned so red. He even squealed when I winked at him after getting out of the shower this morning.” Hansol bursted out laughing thinking of his normally composed hyung actually being completely flustered. He was happy his hyungs could be in love and not be scared. He wanted to be like them. He wanted to have that. Whether Seungkwan reciprocated his feelings or not, Hansol need his own to be known. 

 

\---------------

 

Hansol allowed himself this moment on the couch in the soft glow of the tv to turn his hand over and nudge Seungkwan’s. He had been working up the courage to break out of his shell again, allow the real him to be shown. He had slowly let the skinship between him and Seungkwan be shown on camera again. Not that much, but enough to where he was comfortable. He never tried to hide his loving stares, he honestly wouldn’t have been able to even if he tried. But when Seungkwan interlaced his own fingers with Hansol’s, it gave him the courage he needed for something even bigger. He wasn’t sure what yet, but something.

 

\--------------

 

“What do you like about Seungkwan the most?” Hansol read out loud at the fan meet a few days later. He had picked out the question himself, of course. An idea had popped into his head as soon as he had read it and oh boy, Hansol could get into some deep shit with this. But he wasn’t scared. So he turned to Seungkwan on stage and smirked, pulling him up until he was in the middle of the stage with him. He started, “My favorite part of Seungkwan is-” he spun Seungkwan around and smacked him on butt, in front of all the fans. He heard the cheers from the crowd and couldn’t help but laugh as Seungkwan dropped to the ground in shock. Hansol turned to go back to his seat with an extremely pleased look on his face, high fiving Seungcheol who looked a little too proud. The way Seungkwan couldn’t stop stuttering afterwards made Hansol’s stomach do little flips. The rest of the fan meet, all he could think about was Seungkwan. Seungkwan. Seungkwan.

 

“Hansol what the fuck!” Seungkwan had yelled when they had gotten back to their dressing room after the fan meet. Hansol just smiled brightly up at him from the floor. “How could you just do that without even telling me first?” Seungkwan didn’t sound all that angry, just embarrassed really. Hansol loved seeing him flustered, his ears turn really pink first and it slowly spreads to his cheeks. He doesn’t get to see it that often, so he can’t help but to stare. It’s his turn to blush though when Seungkwan waves a hand in front of his face to get his attention.

 

“Sorry Kwannie, it was an in the moment kind of thing,” he flashed another bright smile up at the boy which only gets him a scoff and eye roll in return. Seungkwan doesn’t talk to him until that night when they get back to the dorm after eating dinner. Which only makes Hansol worry a  _ little _ bit. 

 

Hansol is laying on his bed, scrolling through social media, looking at all the fan taken previews from that night, when Seungkwan walks in and lays beside him. Of course Seungkwan has to be complicate and lay with his head by Hansol’s feet instead of the normal way, but he was here nonetheless. They sit in silence for a few minutes, scrolling through their phones until Hansol decides to finally break the silence. “What is it Seungkwan?” he asks with an over exaggerated exasperated tone. 

 

“What? Can I not lay here without you questioning my motives?” is his answer and that makes Hansol bark out a laugh.

 

“You can but I know you wanted to ask something. You’re not slick, Kwan.” Hansol can almost feel Seungkwan roll his eyes.

 

“Fine. I just-” Seungkwan’s voice wavers and then lowers just a little bit, “I was wondering if you meant what you said.” That confuses Hansol a bit, but when he sits up enough to look at Seungkwan’s face it dawns on him. 

 

“Oh, are you asking if I like your ass?” Hansol asks bluntly, which makes Seungkwan choke a little bit.

 

“I- No, what, I” he stuttered out, “maybe?” He took a moment to collect himself. “I just meant like, is it your favorite part?”

 

“Well,” Hansol starts, “ I sure like it a lot. But it isn’t my favorite part. I just didn’t want to sound super sappy in front of the fans and grab your hand instead.” Hansol can only brace himself for a response. All he gets is a little “oh” a minute or two later. They sit in silence again before Hansol slides his hand over and nudges Seungkwan’s, their fingers interlocking out of habit. “We should do this more,” Hansol says casually. Seungkwan doesn’t respond.

 

\--------------

 

Seungkwan was confused to say the least. He had never felt romantic or sexual attraction to anyone. He thought he was broken. Yet there was always Hansol, an enigma really, the only person that ever made Seungkwan think that maybe he wasn’t broken after all. Hansol scared him, made him nervous even if he didn’t show him. He had always liked him a little more than all the others but he could never pinpoint why. This scared him so much that he would even deny liking Hansol at all. Which was always a complete lie considering he would say it while clinging onto the boy as if he would disappear if he didn’t hold on tight enough. 

 

Seungkwan was always pretty sure it wasn’t the best friend thing. Best friends weren’t suppose to make your heart flutter. So after Hansol had smacked his butt in front of an entire crowd, which Seungkwan is still bitter about, and then held his hand and said it was his favorite thing, Seungkwan was distraught. He didn’t know what he was feeling and it was making him act funny around his own best friend, and he wasn’t having it. He usually talks to Seungcheol, who has always really understood him better than most, but they were practicing in units again today and he wouldn’t see his hyung until morning when they’re all back at the dorm. So he turns to Joshua. During one of their breaks, he corners his hyung alone and all but knocks him to the ground in the process, “Hyung, help me. Please.”

 

“Seungkwan, calm down. You literally just had to ask, you didn’t need to ambush me. What is it?” Joshua asks softly after noticing the desperation in the younger boy’s eyes.

 

“I- Well,” he tries to put his thoughts into words, “I have never had a crush on anyone. Ever. In my life. Never felt any sort of attraction to any person, boy or girl. But I kind of, well, I feel  _ something _ for someone,” he hesitates before adding, “Hansol specifically.” Seungkwan rings his hands together in anticipation of his hyungs reaction. His nerves were everywhere lately.

 

“It sounds like,” Joshua puts his hand on Seungkwan’s shoulder to reassure him a bit, “you like Hansol. It also sounds like you might be demisexual and romantic, Seungkwan-ah.” Seungkwan’s face crinkles in confusion, not knowing the word. 

 

“What is that?” he asks nervously. He had heard of bisexual and gay and stuff but never “demi” anything.

 

“It’s when you don’t feel a romantic or sexual connection with someone unless you have a really strong emotional bond with them first. Which makes a lot of sense with you and Hansol, you have been best friends for years.” Joshua responds casually.

 

“Oh.” Seungkwan lets all that information sink in. It sure made sense in his head. He had never been as close with someone as he his with Hansol. He says the word “demi” a few times, seeing how it feels on his tongue. It feels almost, right. Like its the missing piece of the puzzle that is his life. His smiles to himself before looking back to Joshua, “How do you know about demi and stuff?” Joshua laughed at that.

 

“Well, I read about it when I was trying to figure out my sexuality and stuff. I am actually both asexual and aromantic.” With one look at Seungkwan’s confused expression he explained, “It means I don’t feel any sexual or romantic attraction to anyone. Which is what you could have been but it really seems as if you like Hansol quite a bit.” Seungkwan nods his head at that. 

 

“Thank you Joshua-hyung. This has helped a lot.” Seungkwan smiles brightly.

 

\----------------

 

Seungkwan likes Hansol. Seungkwan  _ likes  _ Hansol. “I don’t like you,” Seungkwan says as he pushes Hansol off the couch. “I can’t believe you just licked my fucking ear.” Hansol is a laughing mess on the floor and Seungkwan can’t help but crack a tiny smile. He definitely likes him. 

 

“You didn’t have to push my onto the floor!” Hansol protests, still laughing, as he clambers back onto the couch. Seungkwan feels Hansol’s hand nudges his. He doesn’t grab it, just pretends he didn’t feel it. “Kwan-ah, are you actually pouting because I licked your ear?” Hansol whines. 

 

“Maybe,” Seungkwan is using his pouting voice. He knows Hansol can’t resist it. It’s gotten him whatever he wanted for years. 

 

“Fine,” Hansol sighs, “I am sorry I licked your ear. It won’t happen again.”

 

“Alright,” Seungkwan smiles brightly and Hansol lets out an odd noise as he feels another hand grab his. Hansol hates to say it but Seungkwan truly owns his ass. He tries to hide his smile as he feels the familiar interlocking of their fingers. 

 

\------------------

 

It was always like this with the two of them. The back and forth. The soft touches. For months it has been more amplified, more intimate, the touches becoming more frequent, Hansol’s bed becoming  _ their _ bed. Nothing is ever said between the two of them. Neither are quite sure when the shift occurred but when Seungkwan kisses Hansol goodbye when their units head for their separate practices, it isn’t questioned. 


End file.
